"A Miserable Old Fool"
Season Survivor: Culture Clash
Author IAmNothing712
Episode Number 6/15
Episode Chronology
Previous "A Clueless Twit"
Next "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do"

This is the fifth episode of Survivor: Culture Clash.

Previously on Survivor


Tribal Reward/Individual Immunity Challenge: Sand by Me
Using a rope and pulley system, each player would lift two sandbags, one on each arm. The sandbags each weigh half of their body weight before the season started. If a player has dropped one sandbag, the player may not use his or her free hand to support their remaining one. If both sandbags are dropped, the player is out of the challenge. Last person standing from both tribes, wins individual immunity. The challenge would go on even after the tribes have produced a winner, until only one player remains. The last person standing in this challenge would win reward for his or her tribe.
Reward: Last person standing from both tribes would win individual immunity, but last person overall would win pizza, Buffalo-style chicken wings and softdrinks for his or her tribe, which would be eaten while listening in to the other tribe's Tribal Council.
Winner (individual immunity): Jordan from Amihan; Kaito from Habagat
Winner (tribal reward): Amihan (Jordan was the last person standing in the challenge)


Night 11

The Habagat tribe returns from Tribal Council, after voting out Wyatt Wilkie, and the tribe immediately prepares to sleep since they've eaten an early dinner prior to going to Tribal Council. Moira and Kaito sleep beside each other. The two start cuddling each other, until they bring it up a notch by torridly kissing each other. Lana, who conveniently is next to Kaito, rolls her eyes in disgust.

Moira and Kaito are making out right next to me. I am not disturbed by them doing it in front of me, as I've seen my own parents done it, but doing it after 11 days of not having a bath? Eww!


At Amihan, Rosita and Beatrix bond while watching the night sky. Rosita tells Beatrix how her husband proposed to her. Rosita's husband rented the large globe structure at the SM Mall of Asia, and illuminated the words, "will you marry me?" on it, which was seen by mall-goers passing by the MoA rotunda. Beatrix also shared how her husband proposed to her, saying that her husband had a lousy and unoriginal proposal. Beatrix explains that her husband planted a ring inside a balloon, and a gust of wind blew the balloon away and the ring was never recovered. Beatrix says she was unimpressed, but said yes nonetheless. The two women then exchange mother tips to each other.

I really do feel safe with Beatrix. Whatever happens in this game, I will be loyal to her till the end.


In this game, having close bonds with people is one thing, but having them is also a two-edged sword because if you bare yourself to a lot of people, voting them out is thrice as hard. It would definitely break my heart to blindside Rosita, but I want a million dollars as well. Let's just wait and see on what will become of my friendship with Rosita.


Day 12

The tribes convene for their next challenge. They meet Jeff Probst, who announces that regardless of who wins the challenge, both tribes will visit Tribal Council. Jeff then elaborates that the challenge is for individual immunity and tribal reward. The last person standing from their tribes win immunity for themselves, but the last person to bail out from the challenge win pizza, chicken wings and soft drinks for his or her tribe, while watching the other tribe's Tribal Council.

Within the first ten minutes, Joleen, Lana, Cataleya and Rosita are the first ones to fall. Another ten minutes have passed, Lawrence, Elle, Moira, Emily, Cap and Dominic are eliminated next, and by the 30th minute, only Beatrix, Jordan and Tommy from Amihan and Kaito and Simon from Habagat remain. Simon drops his left sandbag, while Kaito drops his right. Beatrix then bails out after 35 minutes, much to Elle's delight because it is already given that one of her allies is immune from the vote. Immediately after Beatrix stepped down, Simon suddenly suffers an arm cramp, prompting him to drop his remaining sandbag, winning Kaito individual immunity. But for Kaito to win tribal reward for Habagat, he has to be the last person standing by outlasting the remaining two Amihan members, Jordan and Tommy. Being from the same alliance, Jordan tries to negotiate to Tommy to give him the win, but Tommy is unresponsive. 1 hour and 10 minutes into the challenge, Kaito drops out, automatically winning Amihan the food reward, but Jordan and Tommy still duke it out for individual immunity. By the 87th minute, Tommy cannot hold it any longer and bails out, winning Jordan immunity.

All I need to do is convince Rosita and Lawrence to help us split the votes between Beatrix and Budd, and we are good to go!


Back at Amihan camp, Lawrence is tasked to cook their next meal, when he accidentally burned his hands, taking his grip off the clay pot, shattering it and spilling the cooked rice in the process. Beatrix chastises him for not using the the cookware they won from the SOS challenge, wasting 1/4 of their remaining rice supply. The tribe has no choice but to pick and eat the wasted rice with morsels of shattered pot pieces anyway.

This is frustrating. Lawrence cooked the fish in the metal pot we won from the SOS challenge, while he cooked the rice in the clay pot. The pot shattered, wasting a significant amount of rice. The morsels of clay pot tasted like a year-old graham cracker.


I was deeply hurt by Beatrix's reaction when I broke the pot. I took responsibility, but she didn't need to exaggerate as if I was a thief stealing her food. I cannot work with somebody with such personality. I might reconsider my allegiances after what happened.


At Habagat, Cap and Simon are taking a bath, when Cap brings up Lana. The expert fisherman says he would vomit blood if Lana wins. Lana, who happens to be on her way back to the shelter, hears the whole conversation. Lana calls him out for not directly talking to her about his problems with her.

Cap is a miserable, old fool. He talks smack to everyone, but when the person he gossips about comes to him, he turns silent.


Evening at Amihan, Elle who saw the incident between Lawrence and Beatrix, talks to Lawrence and Rosita (who was also irked by how Beatrix dealt with the situation), asking them allegiance with Beatrix faltered since last afternoon's incident. Both openly say their intentions of changing sides.

Beatrix just dug herself a deep hole. I just have to continue convincing Lawrence and Rosita, and Bea can kiss her ass goodbye.


Evening at Habagat, Moira and Kaito continue to flirt with each other. From sexy talk to raunchy cuddling.

Moira and Kaito should really get a room. And for the record, get some mint. I don't kiss anyone, on the cheek, much more to the lips with bad breath and B.O. Yuck!


Day 13

Knowing her conflict with Lawrence and Rosita will most definitely hurt her chances and would likely attribute to her getting sent home, Beatrix personally talks to Lawrence and Rosita, asking for their forgiveness. Beatrix honestly admits she can be blunt and confrontational when she gets stressed. While Rosita forgives her, Lawrence is still not interested in talking to her. While Beatrix respects Lawrence's decision to give her a cold shoulder, she informs them that she and Budd will vote Tommy out because he is the smartest person in Elle's alliance. When Beatrix is gone, Rosita tells Lawrence that whatever plan they will follow, it is going to be the biggest vote of the tribe so far.

Beatrix knows she is in big trouble after lashing out at me yesterday. She definitely needs my vote, and she gonna have to do more than just kiss both of my butt cheeks for her to make me do what she wants.


Tonight's vote will be pivotal for our tribe. Lawrence and I are the swing votes, and whatever decision we're going to make, we have to live with its consequences.


Afternoon before Tribal Council, Lawrence and Rosita discuss their options. While Rosita says she does not trust Elle, Lawrence is still undecided.

I need to do some hustling if I were to stay in this game longer.


As the Amihan tribe prepares for Tribal Council, Elle asks Lawrence and Rosita if they are on board with the split vote. Tommy tells them that Elle, Joleen and Rosita will vote Beatrix, while himself, Jordan and Lawrence would vote Budd in case either Budd or Beatrix uses the former's Hidden Immunity Idol. If Budd uses the idol, then Beatrix goes home and vice versa. Meanwhile, Beatrix insists that if Budd considers playing the idol, he should play it for himself.

I will do some sort of gamble tonight. If I use the idol, Beatrix goes. If I use the idol for myself, not only Beatrix goes, but my idol goes too. And if I don't use the idol, for sure I have to use it on the next Tribal Council I go to. This is going to be a big vote for this tribe.


At Tribal Council, Elle brings up Beatrix's row with Lawrence. Beatrix again apologizes for her rude gesture, and she lets Lawrence decide her fate. Lawrence remains unresponsive towards her. When Jeff brings up the topic of the Hidden Immunity Idol, Budd shows the idol outright, saying he is going to use it tonight. Not scared of Budd's idol, Elle, Jordan, Joleen and Tommy are confident they are going to vote with the idol getting flushed out. The four split their votes as planned. But to their surprise, not only does Budd chooses not to use his idol, but Lawrence and Rosita maintain their loyalty to Beatrix, with both voting for Tommy, blindsiding him in a 4-2-2 vote, leaving both Elle and Beatrix dumbfounded, with Elle losing her closest ally, and Beatrix for Lawrence saving her life. The Amihan tribe members then move their torches, waiting for the Habagat tribe to arrive.

Afternoon at Habagat, Simon and Cap debate on keeping Cataleya and Lana over Moira. Meanwhile, Moira, Kaito, Dominic and Emily discuss which between Lana and Cataleya. Moira stresses that Lana is relatively better than Cataleya at camp and at challenges. The four decide to vote Lana out because she is more confrontational and mean compared to Cataleya, who is clearly a non-threat.

We are planning to vote out Lana tonight because no one likes her while Cataleya's not a threat at all.


Later, Cap and Simon approach Dominic and Emily, telling them a new plan: to blindside Moira, under the premise that Moira and Kaito were becoming disturbingly close to each other. Emily argues that they are keeping Lana and Cataleya far too long in the game.

Lana and Cataleya might be the luckiest bitches I've ever seen on Survivor. They probably have more than nine lives! As much as I am itching to vote them out, blindsiding Moira makes sense because pairs are always the strongest alliances in the game. Sure, Lana and Cat are a pair but we see neither of them as threats and I personally believe we've kept them far too long than they should be, while we have a seductress in Moira who pretty much has Kaito by the neck. There can be only one Parvati Shallow in this game, and she's not even on this season, that is why Moira needs to go.

–Emily, on "KaiRa"

Cap comes up to Cataleya and Lana, who are both visibly resigned to going home, telling them they should vote for Moira, and the two of them are not being targeted. Cataleya asks for assurance. Cap's only assurance is, he won't bother go to them and ask to vote for someone if one of them will go any way. Cap advises them to continue acting like one of them will go home.

Cap is making an ass out of himself for tricking Moira and Kaito. Not only he is picking off another of his own alliance, it gives me and Cat another life in the game. It doesn't make sense to me. Like, if they don't vote either of us out, we will tear them apart.


Minutes before heading to Tribal Council, Simon gathers the "majority alliance" - himself, Cap, Dominic, Emily, Kaito and Moira. To continue their act on Kaito and Moira, Cap "proposes" to split the vote between Lana and Cataleya: Kaito, Moira and Simon would vote Lana, while Emily, Dominic and Cap would vote Cataleya. Emily and Dominic also join in the act of lying.

It's hard to lie on someone's face, but it needs to be done.


At Tribal Council, most of Habagat tries to avoid looking at Amihan while they chow down pizza and buffalo wings. Moira admonishes Lana and Cataleya for "sucking the life" at camp, and the tribe will be better off without them, even bluntly revealing the split vote plan. At the jury bench, Beatrix realizes that Lana and Cataleya truly need help and keenly observes their Tribal Council more than eating. Just before the Habagat tribe's vote commences, Jeff tells the Amihan tribe to finish what's in their mouths and head back to their camps.

In the end, Cap and Simon's plans come into fruition, with Moira getting the boot, 6-2. Kaito is visibly stunned by the surprise turn of events. He glares at Cap and Simon for leaving him out in the open.

Tribal Council


Tribal Council 5:
Tommy (4 votes)
Beatrix, Budd, Lawrence, & Rosita
Beatrix (2 votes)
Elle & Joleen
Budd (2 votes)
Jordan & Tommy
Tommy Scott

Voting Confessionals

I want to vote out that halfwit Elle so badly, but I have no choice. She can't beat me, but you can. Sorry Budd. You're a pleasure to be with at camp, but strategy first.


Elle, Elle. When will I get the chance to kick your ass out of this game? Thank goodness to smart people like Tommy, you get to stay.


I don't know what will become of this vote, but whatever happens, you are my biggest threat. I love your British bluntness to death, but siding with Elle is the reason why I am casting this vote.


Bea. So blonde.


Final Words

Oh man. I got played. I regret aligning with Elle in the first place. I thought I can drag her to the end, but I guess associating myself to that twit was my biggest downfall. At least I can freely root for Beatrix now.

–Tommy Scott


Tribal Council 6:
Moira (6 votes)
Cap, Cataleya, Dominic, Emily, Lana, & Simon
Lana (2 votes)
Kaito & Moira
Moira Vasquez

Voting Confessionals

Please go home.


Sorry, woman. You just don't fit in with the group, and you tend to start the drama at camp, which isn't healthy for us. You gotta go tonight.


What do you know, Cap doesn't treat me seriously. And what does that cost him? You.


Moira. I wished you flirted less, and Cap would've gotten his chance to get rid of me or Lana.


Final Words

I didn't expect to leave this early! I have so much more to give, to my tribe, at challenges and at camp life. Blindsiding me is a big mistake. Cap already had three times to get rid of Lana and Cat, but I guess they'll go far than they should. Anyways, I wish the US tribe the best, and I hope one of you guys wins it!


Next Time on Survivor

  • Will Beatrix and Lawrence patch things up and really continue their alliance?
  • A tribe swap will test the loyalties of the two uniquely divided tribes.
  • An unlikely alliance forms to ensure that one of their original tribe members wins the game.
  • With Moira gone, Kaito's turns from jolly to inconsolable.

Author's Notes

Survivor: Culture Clash episodes

"Home vs Visitor" · "What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger" · "Slave Labor" · "A Clueless Twit" · "A Miserable Old Fool" · "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do" · "His Humor Is as Dry as Gandhi's Sandals" · "You and I Have Unfinished Business" · "This Game Is Under New Management" · "Barking Up the Wrong Tree" · "Greed Is the Root of All Evil" · "Bitter Work" · "Dazed and Confused" · "A Pain Worse than Death" · "And the Question Is..."