"Grumpy Old Geezers"
Season Survivor: Guadeloupe
Author User:Dskmd
Episode Number 1/14
Episode Chronology
Previous None
Next Pretty People Can Still Play Survivor

This is the first episode of Survivor: Guadeloupe . In this episode, the castaways are split intotwo tribes. One tribe has to vote someone out, and that person becomes the first person voted out of Survivor: Guadeloupe.


Reward Challenge: Jailbreak

The tribe will be tied together at the ankles, forming a long human chain. The tribe will navigate through an obstacle course, walking on thin balance beams, going under low hurdles, and make their way to the finish mat, where flint is waiting.

Reward: Flint
Winner: Bananier Immunity Challenge: Unlock, Climb, in Record Time
Challenge mechanics.
Winner: Bananier


Day 1

In Guadeloupe, twenty castaways were divided into two tribes of ten: Bananier and Goyaves. The castaways, already in their assigned tribes, paddled to shore, where they found Jeff Probst, who was waiting to explain to the castaways what the game was all about.

Welcome to Guadeloupe. You have already been divided into two tribes. You're all here in hopes that it will be you to claim the one million dollar prize... And the title of Sole Survivor.
<p style="font-size:smaller; text-align:right;;">–Jeff Probst

As soon as I heard Jeff say the words, "Welcome to Guadeloupe", I was immediately thinking, It's on!. Seriously, though, I came to make friends and I came for the experience, but I also came to win. And nothing will get in between me and my money.


I know that I'm capable of winning this game. I'm hoping that the rest of these people realize that I am a force to be reckoned with out here.


I'm a very smart person, and I'm a very athletic person. People may see me as a threat or they may see me as an asset to the tribe. Naturally, I'm hoping it's the latter option, ha ha.


Jeff then handed each tribe maps to their island that they would live on for 39 days. This was where the chaos began.


Bananier was able to find their island quickly, and they immediately began to work on the shelter. They all picked a part of the shelter to construct... Except for Conner, who complained about it constantly.

Quote1It's way too hot to work like this!Quote2- Conner
Quote1I'm sure it will get cooler at night. Don't worry.Quote2- Beth
Quote1Don't worry?! Pfft. Your optimism is incredibly annoying. There are way too many mosquitoes out here! And their buzzing is giving me a headache!Quote2- Conner
Quote1You're just not used to the mosquitoes yet. Once you get used to them, you'll barely notice that they're there.Quote2- Lydia
Quote1I will be able to notice them! They're as annoying as the two of you!Quote2- Conner

This annoyed Dallas.

Conner is just constantly complaining about everything! The bugs, the heat, the smell! I want to punch him in the nose. He's not making the experience enjoyable. If we lose, he's probably going home.


While Conner complained, Adam began to talk to Beth, Luke, and Ryan, who were closest to him.

Quote1This place seems pretty cool.Quote2- Adam
Quote1Yeah.Quote2- Beth
Quote1The only downside is Conner. His pessimistic attitude is damaging to our tribe's morale.Quote2- Luke
Quote1Conner's a grumpy old geezer. Grumpy old geezers don't enjoy anything. They just complain.Quote2- Adam
Quote1You're probably right... But if we lose, he's going first.Quote2- Ryan
Quote1Definitely. We can work together to get him voted off!Quote2- Adam

While Adam, Luke, and Beth were talking, three other members of Bananier were talking as well. Taylor, Dallas, and Ruby, the three youngest people on the tribe, immediately liked each other. When Dallas brought up the subject of a possible alliance, Taylor and Ruby both agreed that the three of them would stick together to the end. 

Ruby and Dallas are both really cool. They like to have fun, just like me, and I feel like I can trust them one hundred percent. If that's not the sign that the three of us should go to the end together, then I don't know what is.


 This alliance did not go unnoticed by everyone. Izzy noticed that the three younger members of Bananier seemed exceptionally close, and Izzy, being the smart person that she was, thought that they had an alliance. She grabbed Beth, Ryan, Luke, Adam, and Lydia and she explained her plan. The six of them made an alliance. 

I'm already in a good spot within the tribe. It's nice to not have to worry about my position in the game.



Regan stated her plan to the cameras immediately after she set foot onto the island. 

It's obvious that people are going to judge me because I'm pretty and blonde. But just because I'm pretty and blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid. I will use my beauty to seduce men, similar to the way Parvati played the game. I will pummel these idiots to a pulp, while keeping a smile on my face the whole time I'm doing it. I've got this in the bag.


 Immediately after stating her plan, she decided to befriend Ida, who was more than willing to follow Regan along on a string and do anything she asked of her. Immediately after she befriended Ida, Regan began to flirt. She flirted with Harvey, Rodger, and Brenden, who were the three youngest guys on the tribe.

Quote1Harvey, you're so strong! I bet you have girls falling all over you back home!Quote2- Regan
Quote1You're actually the first.Quote2- Harvey
Quote1Oh. So no girlfriend?Quote2- Regan
Quote1Nope.Quote2- Harvey
Quote1Ah. (leans closer) I could fill that role if you ever need a girlfriend.Quote2- Regan

Regan is an attractive chick. I like her already and I'm willing to work with her in the future. I have no problems with turning that into a romantic relationship.


I have no intentions of having a romantic relationship with Harvey. Or anyone. I'm just using my cuteness to my advantage... And plus, it's fun to watch guys fall all over me.


Regan was able to get Harvey and Brenden to work with her, but Rodger proved to be tough.

Quote1Hey, Rodger! How's it going?Quote2- Regan
Quote1...I'm good. How about you?Quote2- Rodger
Quote1I'm great! I'd be better if I had someone willing to cuddle with me at night.Quote2- Regan
Quote1... OK.Quote2- Rodger
Quote1... Sooo.... Anything to say to that? Maybe an offer of some kind?Quote2- Regan
Quote1... No.Quote2- Rodger
Quote1Are you sure?Quote2- Regan
Quote1I'm sure.Quote2- Rodger
Quote1Are you positive?Quote2- Regan
Quote1Yes, I am.Quote2- Rodger
Quote1Are you...Quote2- Regan
Quote1I AM SURE! God, SHUT UP, already! I have no desire to be your little flunky, Regan! I suggest you go find someone else to annoy!Quote2- Rodger

Regan is the most annoying, self-centered, obnoxious person I have ever met. She thinks she can wrap guys around her finger just using her looks. I'm not one for seductive ladies.

–Rodger (on Regan)

Rodger is just so... opinionated, to put it lightly. He didn't fall for my tricks, so therefore, he'll be one of the first to go.

– Regan (on Rodger)

 Rodger immediately spoke with Chloe, Joel, and Louie. He quickly explained about Regan, and how she tried to seduce him into aligning with her. Rodger brought up his own idea about making their own alliance, and the others agreed that it was a good plan.

Meanwhile, Holly and Abbie bonded immediately and decided to stick together.

I really like Abbie. She seems so confident, and I feel like we could go to the end together. I hope we can. I trust her already, and I hope she trusts me.

–Holly (on Abbie)

Day 2

At the reward challenge, Ruby saw that there was an obstacle course involved and, much to her tribe's annoyance, immediately started freaking out about her hair and how it would get ruined.

When I saw that we'd have to do an obstacle course, I was super upset! I mean, like, seriously. My hair is, like, my life.


 Luckily, Taylor and Dallas were able to calm her down before it turned into a full-on freakout. The Bananier tribe worked well together in the challenge, thanks to Luke's leadership. The Goyaves tribe, however, crumbled under pressure, with Regan and Rodger refusing to work together, and Louie slowing them down. In the end, it was no surprise that the Bananier tribe won the challenge. 

It's horrible that we lost our first challenge, especially due to cooperation issues. It's only Day 2, and we're already divided. This isn't going to be fun.



On Bananier, Luke quickly started a fire using the flint they had received, much to the happiness of his tribe. While Dallas, Ruby, and Taylor went to the ocean, and Conner disappeared in the woods to go to the bathroom, the remaining members of Bananier discussed who they would vote out if they lost the immunity challenge the next day. Izzy, Lydia, and Luke wanted to vote out Conner, because he was annoying, weak, and whiny. Beth and Adam both wanted to vote off Taylor, because she was the youngest, and therefore probably weak emotionally.

It's a known fact, the younger you are, the more stressful it is for you out here. I'm sure that Taylor will crumble under the pressure sooner or later, and we can't have someone like that on our tribe.



At Goyaves, they have trouble making fire due to the absence of flint. Ida, Brenden, Harvey, and Regan discuss their planned order of elimination, which is Louie (for being weak) then Chloe (for being smart) then Joel (for being a physical threat) then Rodger (for his perceived "rudeness" towards Regan). Ida wonders if they should worry about Holly and Abbie, and Regan dismisses the idea, calling it “stupid” because Holly and Abbie are only a pairing, and therefore only used as extra votes if needed. 

Regan isn't mean... Just not so open to listening to the ideas of others. She's got great plans, but she won't listen to anyone else when they try and tell her their great ideas. Oh well. When the Merge comes, maybe she'll be nicer.


Day 3


At the immunity challenge on Day 3, the tribe divided themselves into three groups: the runners, the unlocker, and the ladder builders. Here are the groups: 

Immunity Challenge: Unlock, Climb, in Record Time
Tribes Runners Unlocker Ladder-Makers
Bananier Dallas , Taylor , Beth , Ryan Luke Izzy , Lydia ,Conner , Adam , Ruby
Goyaves Harvey , Brenden , Rodger , Joel Chloe Louie , Holly , Regan , Ida , Abbie

Once Jeff said "GO!", Dallas and Harvey were off and running. Both of them were going at a fast pace, and they both brought their bags back at around the same time. Taylor started about a half of a yard behind Brenden, but she slowly and steadily surpassed him, putting Bananier in the lead. Beth and Rodger started and finished neck-and-neck. Joel was able to go a little bit faster than Ryan, giving Goyaves a slight lead.

Chloe was having trouble with the locks and keys. She went through each key, attempting to open the chest, but not one key would fit correctly. She threw up her arms in despair. "None of the keys will fit!" she called to her waiting tribemates.

Jeff heard this, and immediately responded, "There is a key that will fit." As if on cue, Luke was able to open the chest, amidst the cheers of his own tribe. Luke carried all of the pieces to build the ladder to the ladder-makers, who immediately got to work.

Chloe finally got the key to fit. It turned out to be the first key she tried. She rushed the pieces over to her tribe. Bananier had a little bit of their ladder done. Louie attempted to explain how he thought they could make the ladder be built quickly, but Regan started yelling at him to shut up. Then Abbie started yelling at Regan to stop yelling, and then the argument began. Louie, Regan, and Abbie were in a full-on shouting match. Holly and Ida tried to continue building the ladder without their help, but they were no match for Bananier, who had just finished their ladder, which earned them Tribal Immunity.

We lost, and I blame Regan. She doesn't know when to stop talking. This is why Regan needs to go.
<p style="font-size:smaller; text-align:right;;">–Louie (on losing the challenge and Regan's behavior)

Louie think's I'm the one who's going. Well, Louie, you're very mistaken.



Quote1Guys, we're voting out Louie tonight.Quote2- Regan
Quote1OK... But why?Quote2- Ida
Quote1Because he's old, weak, and he's not in our alliance. Need any more reasons?Quote2- Regan
Quote1Nope... But are you sure we shouldn't vote off Rodger?Quote2- Ida
Quote1We can vote off Rodger any time.Quote2- Harvey
Quote1No, we can't. What if we win the remaining immunity challenges up until the merge? Rodger is strong. He's capable of winning a ton of individual challenges.Quote2- Ida
Quote1We're voting off Louie. End of story. But we need to convince Holly and Abbie to vote him off too.Quote2- Regan

Louie, Chloe, Joel, and Rodger, meanwhile, were plotting to vote out Regan. And they, too, were trying to convince Holly and Abbie to vote for Regan. 

Everyone's come up to Abbie and me, asking if we'd vote with them. It's crazy! But hey... We've got some power here. Both sides need us. Does that mean we're the swing votes?


Tribal Council

At Tribal Council, Jeff talked to the tribe about their challenge performance. Chloe said that the reason they weren't winning was because they weren't cooperating. She explained that there were already different alliances, so the tribe was more like three tribes. When Jeff asked her what those three groups were, Chloe replied that there was Regan's so-called "Cool People Alliance", consisting of Ida, Harvey, Brenden, and Regan. There was also Rodger's "Other People Alliance", consisting of Chloe, Rodger, Joel, and Louie. And then there were Holly and Abbie, the two swing votes. Jeff asked Regan why she had screamed at Louie during the challenge. Regan shrugged and replied that she got mad at him for his incompetent ways, and that it was obvious who would be going home tonight.

Tribal Council 1:
Louie (6 votes)
Regan, Harvey, Ida, Brenden, Holly, Abbie
Regan (4 votes)
ChloeSurvivorGuadeloupeRodgerSurvivorGuadeloupeLouieSurvivorGuadeloupe JoelSurvivorGuadeloupe
Chloe, Rodger, Louie, Joel

Voting Confessionals

Hey, um. Sorry it had to be you tonight. But... we gotta keep the tribe strong... And... Yeah. Bye.


I'm sorry I had to do this, you seem really nice but right now, we just need to keep the tribe strong.


Don't mess with me, or else you'll go bye-bye, just like this worthless sack of potatoes.


You're rude, obnoxious, and I hope I never have to see your face after this is over.


Learn to control your anger, please. It's nauseating to even hear your voice.


Regan. You need to learn a little bit about respect. Go home, grow up, and then think to yourself about how you blew a chance for a million dollars.


You're full of fun, but you're slowing us down. Sorry. Best of luck to you.


Go home... And never return to Guadeloupe. EVER. I want you out of here, out of this game. And out of my life.


Sorry you had to leave like this. I know you probably had a whole lot more game to play, and I'm sorry it didn't pan out.


You're weak, you're slow, and you're on the other alliance. For me, that's enough reason to vote you out. Go to a retirement home, for God's sake.


Final Words

I have had the most rewarding experience I could have ever asked for. It's not every day you get this opportunity, and I'm happy to have been one of the few who did. Best of luck to Chloe, Rodger, and Joel. And Regan, go die in a hole, you worthless piece of trash.


Still in the Running

Louie GS

Next Time on Survivor...

  • Things get tense over at the Goyaves tribe... (Joel yells at Abbie and Holly while the tribe looks on nervously.)
  • And a simple maze challenge proves to be difficult for a member of one of the tribes... (Multiple facepalms at one person... Who do you think that person is? Comment down below!)

Author's Notes

  • This was the first fanon episode written by Dskmd.
  • The title of the episode was spoken by Adam, in reference to Conner when Conner had been complaining.
    • Ironically, Adam is older than Conner by two years. Conner is 50, while Adam is 52.